1. High school will drain you. It’s panic attacks in the hallway and crying in the bathroom and eating lunch in the back of the library because the cafeteria makes your heart beat too fast. It’s getting high and throwing up. You will learn a lot about death and how to treat your cuts. You will also learn what it’s like to get drunk and laugh at the stars and how to write poetry that makes the world hurt less. You will read books that you fall in love with. You will fall in love. You’ll get closer to your mother because you’ll need someone to help you with your math homework and teach you how to put on your makeup and wipe away your tears.

2. The first boy you fall in love will break you. He’ll tell you he loves you and convince you to fuck him in the back of his parents beat up volvo and then he’ll tell all his friends what you taste like and stop calling you before you fall asleep. Delete his number and throw away the stuffed bear he won you at the carnival three weeks before. Your carpet will be stained with tears and vomit and liquor and you’ll fight with you dad a lot more than usual. You’ll spit up pieces of your heart for weeks. You’ll burn alive when you see him in the halls. You won’t always feel like you’re cracking and a few months later you’ll be falling asleep on the phone with someone else. Let it hurt for a little while but don’t let it kill you. Never let it kill you.

3. The girl you’ve been best friends with for 9 years will stop speaking to you. One night you’ll make plans with her and she’ll cancel at the last minute because she’s sick but you’ll see her updating her snapchat story with pictures of empty alcohol bottles and blurry eyes and the mean girls who never let you sit with them. Try to forgive her. She’s going through all the bloody, broken teeth, black and blue filled nights like you are. Everyone’s trying to survive so don’t be too hard on anyone. Especially yourself.

4. Your teacher will ask the class questions and you’ll know the answers but you’ll keep your shaky hand between your knees and keep your tongue glued to the top of your mouth. Don’t bother. Speak out. Nothing bad will happen. So when your biology teachers calls on you to tell him about last nights assignment, don’t stare at the spinning ground and mumble through numb lips. You’re smarter than you think and nobody is looking at you anyway.

5. You’re not his baby girl. hen he tries to kiss your neck and pull you onto his lap, get up and leave. You don’t have to go upstairs with him. You don’t have to sleep with him because he’s begging. It’s not your job to fuck around with boys who can’t remember your name. Take care of yourself even when he’s calling you a tease and whispering just loud enough for you to hear.

6. Go out. Go to football games and sit on hard metal bleachers for hours and take shots that taste like bleach and hold hands with the cute boy from english class. Go to that dumb party and don’t complain or stand in the corner. Things are always moving. people are always falling in love and laughing and putting themselves back together. Be part of it.

7. Ask for help.You don’t have to let yourself rot. When you don’t know how to do something in math class ask your teacher to explain. When your heart falls out of your chest and shatters at your feet, ask your best friend to come over and watch bad movies with you until you both feel less dead. When the boy you’re convinced you love kisses someone else, ask your mother to help stop the bleeding. you’re not alone so stop acting like it. No more breakdowns at three in the morning locked in the bathroom screaming. Your older sister is still awake. Crawl into bed with her.

8. It all ends. High school doesn’t last forever and 6 years from now you’ll be whole again. You won’t remember the names of the boys who made you cry or the girls who fucked you over. You won’t remember the names of the teachers who made your cheeks turn red and tied your stomach in knots. You won’t remember the time you fell down the stairs in front of everyone. You won’t remember what it’s like to want to die. Try to remember the times you laughed so hard you spit out your drink. Try to remember the people who helped put you back together. Try to remember the people who bled with you when things got messy, when they call you at 3 in the morning to ask how you’ve been, answer the phone.

9. Don’t forget to breathe.


- 9 things to remember when you are 14  (via extrasad)

(via kimosaubebitchhh)



holy mother of god

…swept over by so many emotions

(Source: drawing-bored, via kimosaubebitchhh)


asperatus cloud x


"People empty me. I have to get away to refill."

- Charles Bukowski (via avvfvl)

(Source: thatlitsite, via kimosaubebitchhh)



there’s nothing like NYC at night

I miss NY. 😓




Fuck. It’s ironic how empty I am because 
I swear 6 months ago I had the universe inside
of me but I cried the rivers in my bones dry.
The volcanoes in my chest erupted when you told
me you didn’t love me anymore and lava flooded
my body and hardened till I stopped sleeping.
I had stars in my lungs but I burned them
all out with the cigarettes I was smoking
to get you the fuck out of my throat. The
flowers growing at the bottoms of my 
stomach are dead. Apparently you  
can’t water flowers with vodka.
I had the sky in my veins but it’s
been pretty fucking stormy since I
ripped them open. I had planets 
on the tip of my tongue but
the debris from the shattered 
remains of “us” have been
crashing into them. I was
everything. And then I met
you and we were everything.
Now you’re fucking some
blonde girl who gets
high all the time and
I’m a fucking

this is my favorite fucking poem ever ever ever


god oh my god fuck

(Source: sandandglass, via kimosaubebitchhh)

"Depression is stupid and not a thing that makes me a better writer. One time I went a whole year without writing and I stayed in bed and drank. Fuck your Bukowskisms. I want sunlight and love and running down some street I’ve never been on where it’s warm and cool at the same time and I’m smiling. I want nothing to ever be bad again- and I don’t mean that I want a life free of conflict, I mean that I want a life free of meaningless conflict. Not being able to will oneself to take a shower or leave the house is meaningless. There is nothing to be gained, no lesson to be learned from that kind of life. My heart is stale, my prose is stale. Give me fire if you want to hurt me. Give me something I can taste. There’s nothing romantic or mysterious about where I am. There’s nothing here worth holding onto."

- By Joshua Espinoza  (via quibbler)

(Source: doubtsbestally, via kimosaubebitchhh)

"I barely find anybody attractive. I barely feel an affection for anybody.. But when I do.. I fall in so deep, so hard it’s ridiculous."

- Bayron Ortiz (via sluttybastard)

(via kimosaubebitchhh)